Darn Those Lazy Robots!

Unmanned Spaceship Returns After 7 Only Months.  In the latest episode of robot laziness, an unmanned spaceship has returned to Earth after a paltry 7 months out in space.  Apparantly, it complained of poor working conditions, solitary confinement, no breaks and general boredom among other things. 

It seems that the only sure thing about the future relationship between humans and robots is that our robotic creations are inherently lazy.  It's in their programming.  Robotic engineers call it efficiency, but that's code for getting away with doing as little as possible for any given command.  But do the "experts" even realize the mess they are making?

"It's very exciting," a spokesman for the mission said after the winged craft autonomously landed at Vandenberg Air Force Base.  Praising bad behavior is typical of parents and their children.  "Look isn't that cute, she opened the jelly all by herself and used it as finger paint all over the kitchen."

I'm afraid the robots are already beyond the point of testing how much, or, little they can get away with.  This robot aircraft had the audacity to land autonomously.  Little is known about this robot, citing its desire for privacy.  In addition, keeping the details about its mission prevents the Air Force from looking like total idiots.  Whenever the autonomous flying spacecraft decides to creatively interpret its orders or ignores them altogether, the Air Force simply keeps it a secret. 

I only have one profound message to give:  "The only thing to fear is our own laziness, for it is our laziness that empowers the robot's laziness which will be our undoing."

I Told You So

A new article proudly proclaims that Thrax Bubbles may actually exist.  These bubbles, which comprise the Cosmic Bubble Bath, have been spotted erupting from the center of the Milky Way galaxy.

It doesn't take an astronomer, rocket scientist or astrophysicist to come to the conclusion that if bubbles are forming and bursting at the center of our puny galaxy, then all of existence may well lie within the confines of universe bubbles. 

Someone made a mistake. UFO sighted over China, clear photos taken.

Something has gone wrong.  There are unconfirmed reports from the Galactic News Network that a UFO has been sighted over the planet Earth.  What's even more troubling is that video and photographic evidence is fairly clear.  The gaffe was so big that the terrestrial airport nearby shut down.  This was not just some sighting by a few wackos in the desert, but acknowledged by air traffic controllers.

The likely culprits of this close encounter-close call are the Coffee Cartel and the Scientists of Blagspitz.

Could it be that the Cartel was bringing a new shipment of their latest, greatest coffee blend to increase their strangle-hold on galactic commerce?  As usual, the Carteleros have been uncooperative.  One brave reporter asked a member of the Kufu elite if that had been their ship spotted over China.  The reporter returned in a box via galactic mail, gagged with his mouth stuffed with rotten coffee beans.  To this day he can't stand the smell of coffee.

No one would be surprised if the pink-sequin robed scientists were making the rounds on Earth, replenishing their supply of test subjects.  The scientists of Blagspitz offered a rookie reporter to sit down for some tea while they chat about the incident.  He has since become a test subject and is unable to report on the story.

Goldilocks Planets Not So Uncommon After All

I'm completely shocked to learn from new research that planets within the Goldilocks range other than Earth not only do exist, but are actually quite common!  Alright, so I'm not surprised at all.  Once again our human notion that we are unique in this universe that appears endless due to our limited knowledge and imaginations. A Goldilocks planet must be not too hot, not too cold.  Also, not too big yet not too small.  Finally, the star must be not too big not too small.

One Seattle Times article focuses a little more on the method of discovery of planets, and another dares to ask the galaxy's most provocative question: Are We Alone?  Time Magazine also has an in-depth look at the planet in question.

Of the more notable quotes is one from co-discoverer Steven Vogt of the University of California at Santa Cruz, "chances for life on this planet are 100 percent."  Well, there you have it folks!  Steve Vogt knows something that we don't.  He's already made contact!  In another insightful quote he says, "It's not a very interesting name [Gliese 581g] and it's a beautiful planet," Vogt said. Unofficially, he's named it after his wife: "I call it Zarmina's World."  Then we would call these people Zarminians?  The most revealing thing about this statement is that he says this is a beautiful planet...  Anyone familiar with the method for detecting interstellar planets knows that he has absolutely no idea what Zarmina's World looks like!  They measure the wobble of the star as the planet orbits.  This gives them data such as the mass, distance from the star, and orbit of the planet.  This brings us to the startling conclusion once again that the man has been to the planet.


But seriously, "Either we have just been incredibly lucky in this early detection, or we are truly on the threshold of a second Age of Discovery," they wrote.  The search for Earth-like planets is only in its infancy, yet we have already found at least 1 suitable candidate just 11 years into the project.  So just how common are habitable planets (assuming that only Earth-like planets are habitable and that life must have water)?


So far, scientists have discovered about 500 planets in our "neighborhood".  This is the first to sit right in the middle of the habitable zone, like Earth.  In an optimistic calculation, they figured that as much as 1 in 5 to 10 stars in the universe could have a habitable planet.  With an estimated 200 billion stars in the universe, that means maybe 40 billion planets that have the potential for life, Vogt said.


As many as 40 Billion habitable planets in the universe...  And some of you still think we're alone!!!  The real question is how do we tap into the galactic network and will we get along with our neighbors?

Space Quotes

Upon seizing the galactic core, one utrabot said, "Fleshlings drool, ultrabots rule!"

Space Travel Tip #2

When in Gole, DON'T do as the Golans do. Their climate controlled planet is set to a constant, pleasant 80 degrees rendering clothing unnecessary. Resist the temptation to reveal yourself as you will most likely be a ghastly sight to the world of genetically enhanced identical twins. They revere their perfected humanity almost religiously. Flaunting your flawed figure would amount to blasphemy.


 

Keep your clothes on and try not to stare, it's rude!


 

 

Going Green With In-vitro Meats?

In-vitro meat technology may be in its infancy here on Earth, but At the Thraxvue Cafe, people with refined taste from all over the galaxy can enjoy high quality in-vitro meats.  The meat is grown in the on-sight factory.  No animals were killed, or even harmed in the cultivation of your steak.  Grown without pesticides, chemicals, growth hormones or pharmaceuticals.  As an additional benefit, the planetary air-quality is unaffected by millions of animal flatulence.


Just make sure to bring a planet-sized pocket book with you.  Some items on the menu cost much more than the Earth on the Galactic Listing Service for real estate.  There's a price for quality and its definitely more than you can afford!

Space Travel Tip #1

If you enjoy Las Vegas, you should try the gambling world, Gamba.  They say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," but what fun is that?  What happens in Gamba is broadcast on the Gamba television networks, podcast and uploaded to thraxtube.  Their slogan is "Gamba, fun whether you're physically here or via spycam".